“We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking.”
True no? For the past days, I am getting sick with people who don’t know how to listen. All they want is to be heard but they don’t want to listen. Minsan tuloy feeling ko my time is wasted conversing (or plainly listening) to people na sobrang daming kwento sa buhay. Ok lang naman sana yun pero a healthy conversation should be two way right? How will you be able to understand each other if two parties don’t know how to listen? Imagine ang gulo kaya nun kung pareho kayong nagsasalita?
I know most of us are exposed in this kind of situation. Worst is, we even encounter people like this na magtatanong sayo sabay sya din naman sasagot. That’s simply because, that person doesn’t want to listen, but only wants to talk. Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it.
Thanks Google for these very helpful thoughts:
The Three Basic Listening Modes
- Competitive or Combative Listening happens when we are more interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else’s view. We either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points we can attack. As we pretend to pay attention we are impatiently waiting for an opening, or internally formulating our rebuttal and planning our devastating comeback that will destroy their argument and make us the victor.
- In Passive or Attentive Listening we are genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view. We are attentive and passively listen. We assume that we heard and understand correctly, but stay passive and do not verify it.
- Active or Reflective Listening is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening we are also genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and we are active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message. We restate or paraphrase our understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification. This verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective.
So for those guilty of Competitive or In Passive listening modes, let us try to practice the Active listening mode and make it as one of our communication skills.